The Waiting Place.

January 4, 2012 at 1:32 pm | Posted in Battles (aka: toddlerhood), Career angst, Infertility | 12 Comments

O loves to read the Dr. Seuss book Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Me, not so much.

Because I feel like so much of my life in the past few years has been spend in The Waiting Place. And I try and make goals, something I can control all by myself, in the hopes that I’ll break myself out of it.

Because Dr. Seuss doesn’t actually tell you how to get out, does he?

Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

I feel like I’m stuck here until I figure out how to get out.


J took a job which, long term, is really good for his career. He starts the week of the 23rd.

In the short term, it’s going to be a bit of a struggle.

Because it’s a VERY modest increase in salary – not enough for me to scale back my hours. And this job requires more of a commute – for the first 14 weeks he’ll be commuting to and from Rhode Island, which is about 4 hours a day spent in the car.

And have I mentioned that just before Christmas, my boss took me to lunch and told me I didn’t work enough hours as it was?

I have some really serious reservations about this. J told me that they were flexible with hours enough that he could do dropoff or pickup daily. But I know my husband – HE isn’t flexible enough to make that work. He’ll feel like he needs to be in RI during all working hours, that there’s some expectation for him to be there, that if he works off hours he won’t be working as hard as he should.

So that means more on me. Which, fine, I really think in a couple of years we’ll be in a good place.

I am just dreading the next year or so.


I want to get another opinion from another fertility clinic in the area. I know, it’s ridiculous. I said I was done. Because I have no faith in ART anymore. It’s not going to work.

And I don’t really have faith that I’ll get pregnant.

But I have unanswered questions.

Was spending 6 years with one doctor a stupid choice?

What if there’s something some other doctor can DO to help us actually, you know, GET pregnant?

And in full disclosure: I’m finding it hard to let go of the dream of another child.

Really, really, really hard.


O has been regressing in the PT arena in a BIG way. Where before his underwear was a little wet, he’s having full on accidents. On the couch. In the bathroom. In his room.

He fights us when we tell him to USE the potty and refuses, culminating in a tantrum of Epic Proportions.

But when we don’t fight that battle, he wets his pants.

It’s a constant stress right now. I sometimes wish we could go back to pull ups or diapers but that’s playing right into what he’d like – to not have to take time out to use the potty.

I’m hoping that just waiting it out will help, but welcome comments and/or assvice too.


I really don’t want this blog to turn into the Misery of 2012. I’ve spent ENOUGH time blogging about misery. I really want to move forward, write about more than just IF, etc.

I want Boom Bands… and bright places… and real lasting happiness.

In the meantime?

I suppose I just need to wait it out.



RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. Ooh, I had forgotten about the Waiting Place (we tend to give ‘Oh the Places You’ll Go’ as presents for graduations in my family, so I think everyone has a copy). It really is a perfect description when one is at a crossroads.

    Your J. sounds so much like my Q. I stupidly thought that given this year was the one year he was on sabbatical, and he was just tenured, and his book has been published, this would be a year when he could scale back his hours, especially since he has been working like a demon for as long as I’ve known him. Turns out even though I doubt the uni would care what he’s doing, or how he’s doing it, he feels he’s not doing his job if he doesn’t log the hours. Which, given he is also taking on much of E’s care so I can try to get the dissertation finished sooner, is creating an insane lifestyle. I, too, figure the next year is going to be rough.

    This is total assvice, and I’m not in your shoes, but I think if you want a second opinion, go for it. I think you should do anything you think will help you find closure with your imagined/desired family. It is a huge decision, and I think anything that helps make you feel ok about what you have decided is worth it.

    No assvice on the potty training, obviously, although my step-father was telling me over the holidays that his daughter basically trained herself, whereas his son would be bent double, insisting he didn’t have to go, because he didn’t want to stop what he was doing. Apparently it is a real boy thing.


  2. If you really want another opinion, I think I already emailed you the name of my RE and her clinic. She’s a sweetheart and I pink puffy heart love her and find her to be really HONEST. Let me know if you want her name again.

    As for potty training? Yeah. I don’t know. I’m getting to the point of threatening to just take the toys away if he’s not going to take a break to try. I’m fed up with the whole ordeal.

  3. Sending love and hugs. I hope you get thru to a sunny place very soon.

  4. I love that book. I always wonder, how does Dr Seuss know exactly how I’m feeling?? I guess I probably like The Waiting Place and the games you can’t win because you play against you the best (the sadder parts).

    But commuting to RI?? I wouldn’t take a commute like that, and I live much closer to RI than you do. I hope his commute will be shorter after the first 3 months! And I hope he’s happy with the job. A happy spouse makes such a difference.

  5. Yep. Sometimes you have to just retreat to the Waiting Place for a bit until things work themselves out and make themselves obvious to you! I don’t blame you a bit for trying to resolve some unfinished business – even if you don’t end up going through treatment again, just feeling like you DID something by talking to another Dr. may help.

    Hugs to you as you wait…

  6. ‘It’s a constant stress right now. I sometimes wish we could go back to pull ups or diapers but that’s playing right into what he’d like – to not have to take time out to use the potty.”

    What worked for me was to let my son go back to pull ups at home and let the daycare deal with potty training.

    It took far longer than I would have liked to potty train, but I needed to opt out of the endless battles.

    Life got a lot less stressful once I gave up on the whole thing. And he did potty train. Eventually.

    Anyway, in my view (as another mom told me) it’s not a good idea to fight about potty-related things since that’s a battle where the kid holds all the cards.

  7. That is a long commute! Hope it works out long term. Perhaps he can eventually telecommute?

    I think another opinion is a great idea, because how can one leave the waiting place the easiest–without regrets (or at least that would be my thought on it).

    If you want my clinic, I can email/DM it to you.

  8. I haven’t been in your exact shoes, but I certainly see the need to leave NO unanswered questions before you can leave The Waiting Place. As you’ve been doing for a while now, there’s a great need to make sure you can look back and not wonder, “Well, what if I’d just done THAT?” I know that’s more complicated to do, though, if J isn’t really on board with the second opinion thing. I don’t really have the right answer, but I hope you find something that can bring you true peace and happiness.


  9. It’s not ridiculous. Not at all.

  10. You know since you have the available resources and the heart, I say go for it with the second opinion. You probably can’t get more hurt than you already are.

    Leslie B.

  11. Although we, too, have done our darnedest to bring another child to our family, I know and share the waiting place with you. I’ve been driven to reconsider avenues I felt were long closed.

    I am always in the do what you need to do camp, and want you to feel supported in getting an opinion. Information is power and you deserve the power to make informed decisions.

  12. That commute…it would absolutely kill me. Seriously. Especially the ride home. Maybe he can spend the last two hours working via phone in the car??

    I think you are doing the right thing getting another opinion. Why not? It will help you feel as though you are one step closer to an answer since you don’t feel close to one now. Another vantage point never hurts.

    The potty training crap (pun intended), it is the one universal thing that all parents share. Have you EVER heard any parent say, “oh my son/daughter was fully cooperative from day one”? Maybe if the kid is 5 or something, but certainly not a 3 year old (boy especially). The only thing that worked for me was bribery and even then I made a huge mistake of making a big deal about the first poo and it scared the poor kid so much he wouldn’t do it again for a very long time.

    Have you tried those floater thingys that boys can aim for in the toilet? Some people have success with them because of the game of it all.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: