Stuff.January 12, 2012 at 12:26 pm | Posted in And I ran (I ran so far away), Career angst, Crazy Talk (aka: Therapy), Stuff Outta My Head | 1 Comment
Seems like things with O are on the up, for now anyway. We have had hints of massive freakouts and minor small accidents, but for the most part this week has been going along pretty well.
I’m starting to think that last week’s upheaval in routine, sick + no naps + lots of TV so Mom and Dad could actually do work during the day was the cause of our ridiculous weekend.
And I’m convinced that the accidents and refusal to use the potty is a control thing with him.
So I know it can change at any time, but for now I’ll take the simmering down of the craziness.
I am seriously considering a change to my career which currently scares the everloving shit out of me.
It means potentially more flexibility, but a lot more risk. There is a LOT of fallback if it doesn’t work out, though, given my research, so it’s not like I’d be flying without a net.
And it’s likely to happen in the next couple of months.
Not going to lie. I’m terrified. What if I don’t like it? What if I suck at it?
What if, what if.
I’m clearly very good with the unknown.
What’s currently consuming at lot of my thinking time is really starting to examine the WHY of my anger.
Okay, fine, I’ve been angry for so long. But why?
Maybe if I really understand it, I can start to let it go. And maybe when I’m not so angry all the time, I’ll be able to make decisions with a clearer head.
Either way, I know this anger is a product of my upbringing and I do NOT want that to be my legacy for O.
So I WILL figure it out and work through it.
After Tuesday’s run, my IT band surprisingly hasn’t given me much trouble in the past couple of days. I’ve taken it easy and stretched and iced. And skipped this morning’s run – since I have my swim class tonight, I’ll get SOME exercise in.
I’ve been managing through this injury with doing other things. Swimming, barre (which is a mix of pilates, yoga, and dance), and strength work.
It’s not the SAME as a good run – nothing really is, I’m finding. But if I swim long enough, it’s an adequate substitute.
Endorphins really do make things seem better.
I have not yet decided when we’ll schedule a second opinion consult. I requested my records from Big City Clinic and want to take some time to go through them.
I want to know if another doctor thinks that maybe there’s something really wrong – something we haven’t tested for…
… or if we just have really bad luck.
I’m not certain what will happen AFTER the consult. I don’t know if we have it in us for another cycle. I really don’t.
But I want to hear someone else’s opinion.
Just in case.