Mishmash.February 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm | Posted in Career angst, Cheese with that whine? (aka rants), Cult of Personality, Parenting, schmoop (i.e. why I love my kid) | 10 Comments
Thanks for bearing with my all introspective soul-searching crap this week. I’ve really been struggling with work but also with giving my notice.
The facts: Things have simmered down a bit. Last week’s stress was really my boss blowing off steam.
I am also giving my notice on Monday.
It’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve done, personally. It’s HARD to say “hey, this career thing that I’ve spent years and a lot of money working towards? Yeah, not so much what I wanted after all.”
But I’m going on the idea that happiness is worth that cost, and my family will benefit from my happiness.
What I haven’t mentioned is that I set up a consultation with another RE in the area. For next Friday.
Not much to say, really. This particular doctor showed up as being in the top 1% of REs in the nation, according to a US News & World Report.
My SIL and a few friends have also some personal experience with this doctor, and have told me that this RE is a straight shooter.
We shall see what happens. I am personally at the point where my medical file is bigger than my hope. So I don’t really have any expectations of this meeting, per se.
With the insurance issue? I have enough fodder to fight the issue with Charlie Brown’s insurance, but I also forgot that I might be able to purchase insurance through COBRA, too. Will be expensive, but cheaper than paying for something out of pocket.
Lucky is pretty damn awesome right now.
He’s starting to draw things that you can tell what they ARE. Which, truthfully, is sort of huge. Yesterday when I got him from school, there was a piece of paper in his cubby with a drawing on it.
Looked like a balloon to me, but you never know.
(Because, really. Asking a 3 year old if they drew a balloon is sort of like asking someone if they’re pregnant – FULL of risk. NO, MOMMY!! That’s a TREE!)
So I asked him what it was.
I drew a balloon, Mommy! See, here’s the string and the balloon. And it’s flying up in to the sky, right THERE.
Score. I actually knew what it was. YEAH!
If I had to label Lucky right now, he’d be my Engineer Kid.
Because his million questions are about how things WORK. Which challenges me every time he asks.
So my answers usually go sort of like this.
Well, the snowblower sucks in snow and then shoots it out of there. Huh, no, I don’t know why it’s got sharp edges where it sucks in the snow. Maybe to break it apart if it’s icy. Uh, no, I don’t know what the handle is for. Yes, that DOES look like a plug. I dunno, maybe you can plug it in to charge the batter? You know what? Your Daddy knows more about snowblowers than I do. Let’s make sure we ask him tonight so he can teach me too!
It’s like he’s looking at the world and wants to break everything he learns down by figuring out how it WORKS.
It’s awesome. He’s so curious, and really smart, and I don’t really have the words to describe how much I love it.
But wow it’s exhausting too. I wasn’t one of those kids who really CARED how stuff worked. I lived really mostly in my own imagination world where everything just worked and I could do what I wanted when I wanted.
I have the sense that O is a lot like Charlie Brown in that sense. And I very much want to cultivate his curiosity. That, I believe, will determine his “school success.” Curiosity.
I am having a horrible time with insomnia this week. Pretty sure it’s a couple of things at play here. Work stress, yes.
But our change in schedule. Charlie Brown’s commute makes him get home two hours later than he did before. Which means that he’s pretty much JUST gotten home when I’m sleepy and ready for bed.
And because I love my husband and want to, you know, actually interact with him on a daily basis, I push past the sleepiness and miss my “sleeping window.”
So when I go to bed, I’m awake. For hours. Just sitting there, trying to get sleepy.
And then I get to sleep, but it’s fitful, and I wake up after bad dreams and then am awake, obsessing over them, until my alarm rings.
Last night I took 3mg of melatonin. I again stayed up too late, so it took me FOREVER to fall asleep.
But once I did, I slept through the night. I’m calling that progress.
That’s it for me today. D-Day is Monday morning; plan is to come in and give notice early.
I am strong. I can do this. I know it.