New Day.March 8, 2012 at 9:48 am | Posted in Choosing Happiness., Infertility, My life | 12 Comments
Let me be clear about something: Yesterday’s post wasn’t about lack of comments on my posts. Because, honestly?
I wouldn’t comment on my posts either.
I’m not kidding, either. Often in the past year I’ve looked at my blog from the eyes of a reader, and I’ve though, man, that Serenity chick is a DOWNER. I wouldn’t know what to say to me if I were a commenter/reader. I’d just read, and wish her well, and click away.
Maybe sometimes? I’d stifle a “hey, snap out of it!” sort of reaction and click away.
My point is, I have spent far too much energy telling myself that it’s okay to be miserable, that I should allow myself to feel what I feel and never change. And that has to end.
I think I decided yesterday that I’ll accept that happiness is a choice. And it’s one that I’m going to have to WORK for. Because as Charlie Brown astutely pointed out, my default is angry, followed closely by tired. So yeah. It’s going to take work to pull myself out of Tired Anger. Where I acknowledge that I feel upset or sad or angry about something, but still work on finding a silver lining, the positive in a situation.
But happiness is a choice. And no matter what happens this year, with cycling again, and my new job, and the half marathon time goals I am hoping to reach… I want to be happy NOW. And clearly that’s going to take some work and focus.
And I have to tell you something. Already I feel better. Maybe it’s because after feeling so powerless for so long, I feel like I am DOING something to get to my goal. Maybe it’s because I’m in the early part of my cycle where hormonally I feel much more balanced and in control of my emotions. Maybe I’m just putting on the rose-colored glasses and being naive.
Either way, I feel like today, this new day, holds promise. Maybe I CAN find happiness.