Rollercoaster.

July 12, 2012 at 7:37 am | Posted in IVF #6: Quiet Hope | 8 Comments

Nothing to lose, indeed. *sigh*

This part of the 2ww is a complete mindfuck.

At my old clinic, today would be beta day. I am 14dpo as of today. New Clinic, apparently, waits to test the day AFTER AF would be due. Which means a beta tomorrow.

Symptoms which help me cultivate hope?

One, the spate of acne on my chest, neck, and forehead. Which has largely gone away. I have some remnants of it, but it’s mostly disappeared. And I can’t remember how long it lasted 5 years ago, during my 2ww with Lucky. I didn’t blog about it, that’s for sure. Just mentioned it.

Two, my chest is sore, and my nipples are sensitive. But, you know, that’s par for the course with a lot of cycles, the progesterone makes them sore, and my hyper-awareness of them could really be making it seem like they’re sorer than they are; like when you try and focus on breathing and all of a sudden you feel breathless.

It’s so hard to keep the hope when you’ve been through so many of these waits.

Right now what I’m focusing on is the fact that we have 5 blasts in the freezer. That’s plenty enough for me to be able to take a break from treatments and try again maybe in the fall.

Ah, yes, there it is: planning for the next cycle.

*sigh*

Just going to ride it out. One more sleep until beta day. We’ll go from there.

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8 Comments »

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  1. Thinking of you, hoping for you. (Hugs)

  2. As long as I’ve been following your journey, I’m not sure I recalled that you do not POAS.

    I know, know, know what a mindfuck the symptoms (or lack thereof) can be and I am sorry. I am glad that in 36 hrs you’ll have your answer and I hope, hope, hope it is +!

    • IWII – I never used to test at home when I was trying for Lucky – too scared.

      I did POAS a couple of cycles the second time around, but since my failed pregnancy (where I did get a + hpt) in Nov 2010, I’m distrustful of pee sticks and would rather wait to get a real number.

      This time it’s mostly that I’m too chicken. The idea of buying pee sticks makes me anxious. So I’m just going to wait it out…

  3. Argh, so stressful! I would imagine the progesterone would make it much worse, not being able to compare things to how you normally feel 14 dpo. For me, both times that I’ve been pregnant, the most notable thing was that I didn’t feel all hormonal and icky the way I usually do when my period is coming. It just felt like a regular mid-cycle day.

    I am really hoping for you!!

  4. I didn’t realize Beta day was so close! Sending good vibes for tomorrow. I REALLY hope this is it!

  5. I admire your stamina in holding out for beta. One more sleep! Yes it is a mindfuck. The last thirty minutes are always the worst.

  6. I’ve been thinking of you and really hope things are going well. Glad you don’t POAS – I agree it’s a mind fuck. I’m going to be hitting refresh all day tomorrow!

  7. I’ve watched, I’ve read, I’ve prayed. But what you don’t know is that I can see and know things before they happen. Tonight a vision came over me. Two babies. I know it may not be your “best” scenerio but I believe you will soon find out it’s twins. Best of luck.


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