It’s a Cussing Good Time at Chez Serenity.

July 13, 2012 at 6:00 am | Posted in Fail (aka: Parenting Gaffes), IVF #6: Quiet Hope | 10 Comments

Won’t know the beta results until this afternoon. Expect a post then.


Prior to having my son, I had a bit of a… well… trucker mouth. I admit it, one of my favorite swear words was “fuck.” And whenever I got passionate or angry or annoyed, the cuss words would come faster.

Well, clearly I can’t do that anymore. I have a kid, right?

So I’m turning into a bit of a reformed swearer.

Except that I still fuck up sometimes.

Exhbit A:

It was a while back. Lucky was, what, maybe three? And all three of us were in the car. I was talking with Charlie, and getting passionate about something, and started a word which started with f – but paused.

I don’t recall what I was saying, but it WASN’T going to be a swear. At least, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t.

Lucky piped up from the back, from his seat:



I looked back, and asked him to repeat what he said. From my tone, he knew it was wrong, even though I tried to keep my voice neutral. But Mommy, he protested. I didn’t call anyone that. I said it to MYSELF!

So I told him it wasn’t a word we should use, it wasn’t nice and what we call Bad Words. And that I wanted him to tell me if I used it, and I would do the same with him.

I was all proud of myself for handling it, thinking, okay, great, we’ll make this better.

And then Lucky pipes up: So… that’s a word we only use when Mommy’s mad in the car?

Charlie Brown lost it. He laughed the ENTIRE way home, and then proceeded to tell everyone we knew about the whole damn thing.

Exhibit B:

I’ve mentioned that we have been working with Lucky to eliminate the potty words. He’s a pretty good policer of us, actually. We didn’t realize it, but Charlie and I use the word “stupid” a lot. He’ll give us an oops, and warn us that if we get another, it’ll be a magic.

(And yes, I seem to get an oops at least twice as much as Charlie does. What of it?)

It seems to be working. Even though he thinks the phrase “stinky DIAPER!” is still hilarious, at home anyway he seems to be doing better.

The other night, he asked my help to open up more boards on Angry Birds for him. I don’t play it much, and so I was surprised to see the big fat red ones. And without thinking, I said THIS.

Wow, those red ones are big fatties, aren’t they?

REALLY, Serenity? You think that’s a good idea to say that WITH YOUR FOUR YEAR OLD ON YOUR LAP?

I wish I had a rewind button.

Because of COURSE he found the phrase hysterical. He said it over and over, cracking up each time, even though I told him that wasn’t a nice thing to say and I really needed a magic for it because it wasn’t a good thing to say.

I finally had to tell him that if he didn’t stop saying the phrase, he was going to have to get a time out.

Exhibit C:

Charlie Brown and I had a conversation ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT about the fact that even though I get an oops a lot more than he does, I’ve made some pretty good strides with the swearing stuff, and was really happy about how we were doing.

Thursday morning, Lucky is downstairs and we’re all eating breakfast together. Charlie says, Hey Lucky, tell Mommy what you saw in the potty last night. It was a silly thing, wasn’t it?

So I ask, all interestedly: Wow, what did you see in the potty?

Lucky turns to me and says, Oh, Mommy, it was a FREAKING BEE.

In exactly the same tone I’ve used trying to kill the myriad… FREAKING… hornets that seem to want to build nests on the side door, in our clapboard shingles, in between the screen and the windowsills.

Charlie turns to me, and quietly remarks, gee, I wonder where he got THAT phrase from?

Other kids at school, of course.




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  1. The hardest thing for me has been my language in the car. I am a NYC cab driver trapped in the life of a suburban mother, and I have no patience for other drivers. I’m pretty good about the cursing, but I have found other ways to criticize the other drivers, and I’m apparently so good at it that my children, 4.5 and 2, are already backseat drivers who complain about how the other cars on the road “never pay attention.” Neither of my kids has any patience for traffic, either, thanks to me. This is sure to be included on my “mother of the year” application.

    Thinking of you today, and still hoping.

  2. TLyla repeats everything… Apparently I say “what the hell?” a lot… so I heard her saying that and I about died… She knows she is wrong so she just says WHAT THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?????…. followed by a naughty smile. Its hard not to laugh

  3. I have a HORRIBLE swearing problem. I can shut it off at school so I thought I’d have no trouble at home but that has not been the case at all. I’m especially bad in the car. My daughter started yelling “FUCK!” really loud pretty early. She rarely does it anymore EXCEPT when a car horn beeps and then she ALWAYS does it. She yells it with the perfect anger and intonation. I have to admit, it’s hard not to be impressed. 😉 Like mother like daughter.

  4. My favorite word is “fuck”. And for a while, I really really reformed. And then I had another kid. And I am sorry–but I suck at it now. One of W’s first words–“Damn”; and then she learned to tell everyone that “Damn” is a bad word and that mom says it a lot. (Hey, I figured Damn was better than fuck….)

    I try, just like with my patience…I try. But, at this point–my 13 yr old sometimes lets a bad word slip–usually appropriately (if one can say that those words can be appropriate–which I do, actually)…so, I try to just tone it down. 🙂

    Thinking of you today!

  5. Everything crossed for you today.. Stalking for an update later! My youngest sons first word was “SHIT” Thanks to his great grandpa teaching it to him.. It’s amazing how much little ears really pick up!

  6. I taught J how to say Dammit. Unintentionally. I have a very hard time curbing my sailor mouth.

    Watching and hoping for you!

  7. I have to say that I found all of these exchanges tremendously endearing. Keep doing the best you can. Words, even swear or potty, are still just words. I’m not trying to minimize but as a mom to a 5+ year old boy who is starting kindergarten, just know that what he will hear at school by the older kids is SO MUCH worse (and my son goes to a private, episcopal school where you’d think the kids would be more, um, well behaved.

    I have a knot in my stomach and am filled with anticipation for you. I have another friend who is going to a 3D ultrasound with the birth mother and baby daddy today. It is a BIG day.

  8. Refresh refresh refresh refresh

    • OMG, I am doing the same thing both with my reader AND here on her site.

      • I wish I had an answer yet… no call! I promise I’ll post as soon as I know. 🙂

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