The Not Post.September 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm | Posted in another cycle! (aka: deja vu) | 9 Comments
Funny, this post was going to be all about the fact that I’m Done with cycling.
It was going to be about how much I loathe sitting in a waiting room, how different it is now because I really kind of have lost hope that it might work.
I was going to write about how all I can see is how much I want to be done, away from the waiting room, the suck of medicine, and tell you how much I hate the Fail of my uterus. My lining is too thin, I’ve gone back twice now, they’ve increased my dosage to 8mgs of estrace a day, and I go back on Friday for yet another check.
I was going to write about how the impending babies have finally caught up with me, how I became unhinged buying a shower gift for another infertile when I saw how damn LITTLE it was. How Labor Day signifies the beginning of the Season of Other People’s Babies.
I was going to tell you all how much I feel stuck between the infertility rock and hard place. Between the Suck of needing to end treatments because Charlie and I simply cannot take any more trying and failing to expand our family… and the grief when we think about how much we long for another baby.
That’s what this post was going to be about today.
Except my sister just called me. And she told me that the boy they’re hoping to adopt will be living with them by the end of the month.
And they’re having parties to introduce him to their friends and family. They’re not calling it a shower because, well, they’re not pregnant. But it’s really a shower – an adoption shower.
And she told me that she really believes there’s a reason for why they’ve dealt with IF for 6.5 years, that their struggles to have a baby haven’t been in vain because it led her to my new nephew.
They’re telling him that they want him to be part of their forever family.
She’s going to be a mom.
And she reminded me, just by calling me today.
Families come in different shapes, starts, and beginnings.
My family, the one that’s HERE right now, is so important to me.
I have an amazing husband – and we are celebrating 8 years of marriage today. We got to go on a hike this weekend, just the two of us, and I was reminded why I love him so much.
I have a funny, beautiful, curious little boy who makes me a better person every day.
It’s so hard to keep perspective when you’re doing treatments. Especially after we’ve been doing this for so fucking long now – it’s just hard not to get sucked into the morass of… well… suck.
Thanks, universe, for making my sister call me today.