The Not Post.

September 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm | Posted in another cycle! (aka: deja vu) | 9 Comments

Funny, this post was going to be all about the fact that I’m Done with cycling.

It was going to be about how much I loathe sitting in a waiting room, how different it is now because I really kind of have lost hope that it might work.

I was going to write about how all I can see is how much I want to be done, away from the waiting room, the suck of medicine, and tell you how much I hate the Fail of my uterus. My lining is too thin, I’ve gone back twice now, they’ve increased my dosage to 8mgs of estrace a day, and I go back on Friday for yet another check.

I was going to write about how the impending babies have finally caught up with me, how I became unhinged buying a shower gift for another infertile when I saw how damn LITTLE it was. How Labor Day signifies the beginning of the Season of Other People’s Babies.

I was going to tell you all how much I feel stuck between the infertility rock and hard place. Between the Suck of needing to end treatments because Charlie and I simply cannot take any more trying and failing to expand our family… and the grief when we think about how much we long for another baby.

That’s what this post was going to be about today.

Except my sister just called me. And she told me that the boy they’re hoping to adopt will be living with them by the end of the month.

And they’re having parties to introduce him to their friends and family. They’re not calling it a shower because, well, they’re not pregnant. But it’s really a shower – an adoption shower.

And she told me that she really believes there’s a reason for why they’ve dealt with IF for 6.5 years, that their struggles to have a baby haven’t been in vain because it led her to my new nephew.

They’re telling him that they want him to be part of their forever family.

She’s going to be a mom.

And she reminded me, just by calling me today.

Families come in different shapes, starts, and beginnings.

My family, the one that’s HERE right now, is so important to me.

I have an amazing husband – and we are celebrating 8 years of marriage today. We got to go on a hike this weekend, just the two of us, and I was reminded why I love him so much.

I have a funny, beautiful, curious little boy who makes me a better person every day.

It’s so hard to keep perspective when you’re doing treatments. Especially after we’ve been doing this for so fucking long now – it’s just hard not to get sucked into the morass of… well… suck.

Thanks, universe, for making my sister call me today.



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  1. This is a touching post.. I remember emailing you about the “SUCK” that was my life… And I didn’t think I could bear to go on again and you helped me SO MUCH, more than you know! And I did go on… I am so glad your sister called you, I hope the sucks gets GONE, really soon.. Happy Anniversary to you! Oh and if your RE hasn’t told you already, do your estrace vaginally, that shit worked on my surros lining like no other! Went from 6.5mm to 13mm in like 3-4days!! Best of luck friend! Keeping you in my prayers

  2. Hooray for well time phone calls, for loving husbands, wedding anniversaries, and curious little boys.

    Many congrats to your sister and to you, too, for avoiding the SUCK for another day.

  3. Wonderful news- I’m so excited for your sister.

    And Happy Anniversary to you!

    Glad you were able to escape the SUCK, even for a little while.

  4. Congratulations to your sister! What fabulous news! And happy anniversary to you!!

    I love those moments when joy comes in. Even for just a little while.

  5. I love this post. So happy for your sister and glad she helped put things in perspective for you!

  6. Love this psot.. it made me smile, for your sister, for you and for my little family of two!!

  7. Such wonderful news for your sister! And Happy Anniversary!

  8. Yesterday was just not a day for getting to the computer. But anyway, this is such great news about your sister! And it’s wonderful when the universe (or whatever you choose to call those forces) lines things up for you like that.

  9. Wonderful news on your sister and her new family. These paradigm shifts come in waves. Do all you can to hold on to them.

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