On The Up.September 14, 2012 at 7:37 am | Posted in another cycle! (aka: deja vu), Choosing Happiness., Crazy Talk (aka: Therapy) | 6 Comments
With every cycle, I seem to have a day/moment/hour of a complete freakout. My friend D calls it a Low Point.
And that’s pretty much where I was yesterday. Physically, I felt battered. My butt really hurt from the shots. My stomach hurt from whatevermedsmadeithurt.
And then add onto it a sore left ankle, scraped up right leg, and two hands with embedded gravel?
And the voice in my head whispering, you’re not going to get your miles in this week, and this stupid transfer isn’t going to work, and how much is it going to suck when you are going to have to try and get back into running again in two weeks at your half marathon when you get that BFN, Serenity?
I realized yesterday morning, too, that Charlie Brown was going out last night. Which meant I was on my own for PIO. And I wasn’t sure if I should let my SIL in on it in the hopes maybe SHE could do the PIO for me.
So I decided, fuck it, I was going to do it myself.
It changed last night when I got home though. I found this blog. And it comforted me, because my long time blogger friend Bea started it and the women who did these did them back in the same time when I was trying for Lucky. It was a reminder of the early days blogging where I felt a tangible connection* to this group of women, who would hold me up if I couldn’t stand on my own.
And I watched two videos of women giving themselves an intra-muscular shots. And one, in particular, made me feel better, when she remarked, I’m at a new clinic, and I guess they want… well, whatever. I don’t ask anymore. I just follow instructions.
Because that is exactly where I’m at, too. I don’t bother asking anymore. I follow their instruction.
And then she said that doing her own PIO was LESS painful then when her husband did it.
And so, I warmed the oil in my bra, filled the syringe, went into the bathroom, and just did it. Slowly. And there was no pain. And just in case, I went and sat on a heating pad afterwards anyway.
And I felt all badass, like I did something awesome. Intramuscular shot!! I did it MYSELF!
This morning? I’d say the area is as sore as other side – and the other side was done 36 hours ago and is so much better than it was yesterday. So yeah. Not as painful. It’s huge progress for me. Yes, I’ll now be doing my own PIO. 🙂
I also soaked my hands in epsom salt last night and dug out the gravel; this morning’s session with peroxide didn’t hurt or find much of everything.
And I’m crying uncle on the ankle. It’s sore; probably a minor sprain. I didn’t run today, and I’m not sure if I’ll do tomorrow’s planned long run. At this point it’s better to let it heal a bit more than force it and make it worse. Especially with a half marathon coming up in a couple of weeks.
The hardest thing to deal with with this cycling thing, is that you feel like you have so little control over ANYTHING. I was hoping I could manage to get my training in this week – if anything, it’d make me feel like, hey, I’m not changing my LIFE for something that probably isn’t going to work anyway.
But then I fell. And I suppose I COULD push myself through it and get my miles in this week, but to what end? So I’m REALLY injured instead of just a little bruised and battered?
I can’t control the outcome of this cycle. I just have to ride it all out, and trust that no matter what happens, Charlie, Lucky, and I are a family now, and we’ll be okay.
So yeah. I’m on the up.
*That’s not to say I don’t feel a connection now. But I do feel spread thinner, like butter scraped over too much bread (to quote an old hobbit). Twitter, Facebook, google reader – it’s all wonderful, but it requires forging a lot of facets of connection. I’m not very good with that. Thus the plain old anonymous blog. 🙂