Crystal Ball (aka: Transfer Day.)

September 15, 2012 at 1:48 pm | Posted in another cycle! (aka: deja vu) | 11 Comments

Transfer day is always the same routine, no matter the clinic. When you get there, you get your hospital band and they make you change into the hospital johnny. Your husband gets his scrubs, too.

Sitting in that recliner chair without underwear makes you feel really vulnerable. Always has for me, anyway.

And you wait, and people come and introduce themselves, and the doctor tells you how many you have for transfer, and you get a picture of them from the embryologist.

And you do the transfer, and when it’s all done and over you walk out of there. With this picture.

I always find myself staring at it at random times during a 2ww, as if I’m scrying for the future.

And I don’t really know what I’m looking for, exactly. As far as I can tell, they’re embryos. 6 and 8 cells are easy to see, of course. Nice and round, clear, defined. Blastocysts look scrambled, not nearly as pretty.

Still, though, I stare. I wait for a flicker inside me, of recognition. A sign.

The awareness from deep down in my soul that I’m looking at my son or daughter.

Are you there?

Will I know you?

Is this the cycle?

I never know.

Beta is Wednesday, September 26.

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11 Comments »

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  1. How can you not stare and wonder? I revisted the images during my 2wws, too. I still go back and look at the images from my son’s transfer, although haven’t from my last one.

    You are in it. Nothing to do now but wait and not let them mental acrobatics get the best of you.

    Abiding with you.

  2. Beautiful post. Best of luck.

  3. Love the new header! And sending sticky thoughts your way. Not sticky peanut butter on your hands thoughts… oh you know what I’m talking about. šŸ˜‰

    And thanks, as always, for your never ending support on my blog. It really means the world to me.

  4. Those pictures… man. What I wonder about is what to do with all the ones I had from cycles that didn’t work. I may have eventually thrown them away. But it was kind of tough.

    Sending super-positive thoughts your way — I will be trudging through this 2ww pretty soon with you. Your remark about the nakedness on the recliner is pretty funny, btw. I think my husband has mentioned they have the same chairs in the “man room” where he, umm, leaves his “sample”. The idea of dudes sitting their with their pants around their ankles sounds way worse!

    Stick-stick-stick-stick-stick-stick…

  5. Wishing you the best of luck!

  6. Sending a flood of positive energy your way.

  7. GOOD LUCK!

    xoxo
    T.

  8. Hoping for the best for the little ones. Try and stay sane!!!

  9. So beautful! wishing you good luck. I am holding on hope for you

  10. Sending you love, hugs and luck.

  11. Beatiful post! Good luck this month! Hope you’ll have a good reason to look at those pictures after the 2ww.


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