Catching Up (And Slowing Down.)

October 3, 2012 at 9:20 am | Posted in And I ran (I ran so far away), another cycle! (aka: deja vu), Pregnancy | 5 Comments

Thank you so much for the comments on my last post about my mother. Just writing that, getting it out, was a cathartic release for me.

I’m still angry, but not nearly as much.

At the end of the day, I cannot control whether or not my mother leaves her house to travel. And it doesn’t mean I will let it ruin Lucky’s time with his great grandparents and aunts and uncles this Christmas.

And I have some real insight, now, into the anger. It’s very much about her inherent selfishness, how she made ME feel awful about my own self-involvement as a kid, and how very angry I am at her for making me feel so bad about myself for so many years.

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After riding the high of the positive and doubling betas last week, it’s sort of interesting to have nothing really going on this week. My ultrasound isn’t until next Tuesday morning, so I’m just waiting.

And honestly, if I didn’t know I was pregnant?

I wouldn’t know I was pregnant.

I have symptoms, yes – my boobs are huge compared to what I’m used to, my digestive system is slowed, I have mild heartburn if I eat something spicy (though it was worse last week), and I seem to need to have to eat every couple of hours to avoid feeling all sweaty and weak and tired and nauseated.

But in the grand scheme of things, it’s really all very mild. And thus there are times where I’ve actually forgotten about it. Which, honestly, I think is kind of good.

Because obsessing 24 hours a day over whether I’m still pregnant or not doesn’t seem all that healthy to me.

It’s just very different right now, compared to my early pregnancy stuff with Lucky.

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So I’m being forced to slow down with my physical activity. Not because I WANT to, mind you.

But I need to.

So you remember how a couple weeks ago, in the dark, I rolled my ankle and ended up with holes in my hands and a mildly sprained ankle? I rested it for a couple of days, and when I was back at it, I had ZERO pain, it was fine.

Apparently not totally fine. Because on Sunday, I ran a half marathon with Heather. And. Within SECONDS of crossing the start mat, I did it again.

Turned my ankle – the very same one – in a pothole and fell.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The course was a point to point, which meant that at the start I was 13 miles from where Charlie and Lucky and Heather’s husband and kids were. And it was the BEGINNING OF THE RACE; I mean, we hadn’t even gone a TENTH OF A MILE.

So I made the decision to give it a couple of miles, and if it was bad enough that I needed to drop out, I could do it at a med tent or whatever.

My ankle held up, though. It was painful, yes, but really on and off. And it wasn’t acute enough that I needed to stop.

Everything else? Went PERFECTLY – our nutrition plan (no bonk!!), the pace, which was incredibly comfortable for me; I felt like I could run for days at that pace. (Well, except for the stupid ankle.) It got hard at mile 11, when my ankle started crying again and my muscles, in general, were tired.

But man, it was such a great race. The course was amazing, the company and conversation great, and the finish – man, the finish was so awesome I very nearly cried from absolute sheer joy. I’m not kidding when I say that I couldn’t stop smiling that last quarter mile.

Running makes me whole.

But. The ankle, it’s bad. Running 13 miles on it after a sprain was pretty stupid, actually. It’s swollen and sore and I won’t be running for a while on it.

Which, in the grand scheme of things, is probably best. Once it heals a little bit, I think I’ll hit the pool again, and add in some shorter runs on the weekends in the daylight in a couple of weeks.

I think. We’ll see how the healing goes.

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This week also marks week one of Charlie’s travel for work. So far it’s been pretty good, but I didn’t work on Monday and worked from home today. I’m wrapping up work at my client right now, so today and tomorrow I’m in Boston.

(Though today I’m leaving early to go see my BFF J, who gave birth to her little boy yesterday afternoon. :))

Lucky misses his dad, though; it was clear last night when we spent nearly an hour talking through all these random worries. He told me, Mommy, I don’t want you to go away.

And when I told him that I wasn’t going to go away, he was stuck with me, he responded, But what happens if I get in trouble?

He then proceeded to tell me about the space shuttle he’d build who would grab his Daddy and bring him home like A HUNDRED fast.

Otherwise, though, this first week has been relatively successful.

You know, only 2 and a half months left to go. 🙂

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5 Comments »

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  1. I’m sure the symptoms will start soon. I felt the same way up until 6 weeks, and then it hit like a ton of bricks (that’s this time. Last time the symptoms started right away). So it sounds like the timing of your half-marathon was really good. A couple weeks later & you might’ve been too tired.

    Good luck with Charlie’s travel. K is going away overnight tonight, just for one night, and I’m freaking out (call me when you get there! call me after your meeting! etc). But a hundred fast – I like that! Sometimes kids come up with better ways of phrasing things than we ever could. 🙂

  2. I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I didn’t comment on yesterday’s post. My new work schedule is so unforgiving, I sometimes I don’t get back to posts I read earlier in the day. Sorry!

    I’m glad that you’re not feeling too overwhelmed by thoughts of early pregnancy. I know that is hard to get through but it sounds like you’re doing a great job.

    Sending sticky vibes your way!

  3. I’m sorry I didn’t get to post and say congratulations but CONGRATULATIONS! I was so happy to read your news! Best wishes for Tuesday! I’m in the same boat (scan on Tues morning) and the wait is driving me batty. 🙂

    So happy for you!

  4. Oh man… I did the whole “bail on a run” thing last week. I sprained my ankle pretty badly and sprained my opposite wrist when I tried to counteract the fall. I can still barely walk, let alone run.
    Glad the pregnancy is going well. Hopefully it stays stress free…. or least low levels of stress.

  5. ow … I hope that you’re resting tonight, and that it’s feeling better! I’ve been benched for a few weeks now after an injury and it’s been a pain in the royal you know what.

    glad that you’ve been able to find other things to think about, because the cycle of obsession and worry is too easy to slip into … breathing deepy for you, and waiting to hear the news!


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