Elusive Hope.October 6, 2012 at 8:08 am | Posted in another cycle! (aka: deja vu) | 9 Comments
So the bleeding incident yesteday culminated in me passing a small clot. From there, the blood turned brown.
Today it’s just brown spotting.
A commenter mentioned that this isn’t exactly like last time; my betas started higher. That’s true.
I had forgotten that my betas this time around were higher than November 2010, so I suppose when I mention it’s deja vu, I can limit it only to the bleeding. I did not have any bleeding with Lucky’s pregnancy, so I see blood and assume it’s over.
I confess I lost hope the moment I saw the blood. And now, waiting, well, it kind of just seems cruel. And I’m tense and just kind of want to know if it’s over.
But. A commenter mentioned it could be my progesterone levels. I know very little about progesterone, since my old clinic never seemed to care about it. But this clinic measured my progesterone levels the day of the transfer and I was at 29.9. No idea if they go down or whatever, but that was good enough for my clinic to keep me on the 1cc of PIO.
The irony of this happening is that am running low on meds right now. After yesterday’s incident, I wasn’t going to call until it was confirmed on Tuesday that this might be viable, but I’m thinking if we need to do another cycle next year anyway (we still have 3 embryos), then I’d likely be on the same protocol. So I think I’ll put an order in now. Maybe I should up my dose to 1.5ccs, just in case?
I don’t know. Honestly, I’m kind of loathe to do anything right now. I hate that I was full of hope yesterday and now have zero. I hate that this is so hard. I hate that I won’t know anything until Tuesday.
But that’s just kind of how things go for us, reproductively, I guess.
There’s still hope. I know this. It’s proving elusive for me right now. But I love that you all are holding out hope FOR me. That is what I love, love, LOVE about this community.
I promise I’ll keep you all posted.