Ups. Downs.November 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Posted in My life, NaBloPoMo, politics | 8 Comments
My reality: a few days of feeling good, really good. Realizing, hey, I’m not broken.
Then. The down.
Today is one of the down days.
I had the BEST afternoon yesterday. I held a baby for 3 hours, my best friend’s son. I even got to change his diaper. I got to talk to him, he smiled at me (okay, well it was at the black and white giraffe, not me, but whatever! A real smile!). I ate cheese and bread and told my best friend I was feeling like the cost of treatments was too high for the promise of a potential baby, and I was feeling peaceful about our decision to suspend family-building efforts for a bit. Maybe indefinitely.
And today I woke up down.
And went to my physical therapist for my ankle, who jokingly asked, no new children in the house? when filling out my intake form, and even though I laughed and shook my head, I wanted to tell him, well, actually, 5 weeks ago when I sprained my ankle, I was pregnant and excited about having a new baby. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not actually pregnant now.
And I have work to do to get my calves to loosen up, and I’m kind of angry today that I have to keep working on calf flexibility when really I just wanted to have a baby and worry about having to start over NEXT year because, you know, I had to take some time off once I had my baby.
And it’s Election Day today. And OMFG I have been DONE with politics since the haters came out the moment President Obama took office. I’m tired of the fighting, the pointing out our differences. And I wish I could be excited about today – it’ll be OVER after today, yay!
But I’ve seen too many nasty things being spoken about politics for way too long now, and I despair. We’re all human, but somehow people FORGET that, and instead go on Facebook and say nasty things about people, call them idiots, because they happen to have different beliefs.
And I want to yell, can’t we all just get along? Agree to disagree?
I don’t think we can. For all the connections we have online, I feel like we travel further and further apart from real, honest connection with other people. We seem to be so far from understanding that we all have hearts and minds and hopes and dreams, and we keep traveling farther and farther away.
The more linked we are online, the more alone we are.
Today I feel empty and lonely and cold and dispirited.