Follow Up.November 17, 2012 at 6:00 am | Posted in Infertility, Moving On., Mythical #2, NaBloPoMo, Pregnancy Loss | 6 Comments
The pathology report: chromosomally normal female.
All other miscarriage tests came back negative.
My doctor was surprised to see that; she said she would have put money on a chromosomal issue. So her theory is that the loss was related to the known issue with my uterus, the 1-2 millimeters at the top that isn’t normal. And she told me couldn’t tell for sure, but since the embryo’s position was at the top of my uterus based on the ultrasounds, maybe it implanted in JUST the wrong place.
It’s not worth the risks of doing surgery on again, though she thinks. If we were talking 3 or 4 millimeters? Sure, yes, definitely worth it. But she said Dr. HIT wrote a great report on my resection and that she really didn’t think they’d have much to resect if they went back in. It certainly wasn’t worth the risks of anesthesia and uterine perforation, as well as the chance of scarring.
So maybe the embryo just implanted in the wrong place.
Or maybe it was just bad luck: there’s plenty of embryos that are chromosomally normal and don’t develop normally and result in miscarriage.
She didn’t believe there was any reason to change her recommendation of what’s next: another thaw cycle.
And she was great when I told her that Charlie and I were thinking of a break, to digest everything, and that I wanted to run a marathon next year. I didn’t know it, but she’s a former marathoner herself; so we talked about running a bit, swapping stories.
I left feeling exactly the same way I went there.
I was hoping maybe there was a chromosomal issue with the embryo. But the spotting presented itself EXACTLY THE SAME WAY as it did in November 2010 when I lost that pregnancy, too. And I couldn’t shake the feeling it was an issue with ME, not with the embryo.
My uterus has given us problems for, well, 7 years now.
It’s kind of pretty much what I expected to hear from her. That my case is frustrating because there’s no reason our cycles SHOULDN’T work, but they don’t.
And I’m left wondering what’s next, if anything. Cycling has felt more and more like gambling over the past few years. Gee, let’s roll the die and see if we can get pregnant!
And then to add into it the unknown that if we actually DO get pregnant, there’s a chance the embryo could have implanted in the “wrong” spot and I might lose it? Yeah, let’s just say it doesn’t make me excited to run out and cycle again.
See that brick wall you’ve been running into over and over and over again, Serenity? We just reinforced it and made it bigger and wider! Yay!
I suppose the good news is that we don’t need to do anything now. Nothing has really changed in the course of a day, just based on our meeting. We can keep on this break, I can keep focusing on my training and other things, and we can see where we feel over the course of time.
I am not broken. I will survive this.
Just hurts right now, that’s all.