Wish.December 20, 2012 at 10:33 am | Posted in And I ran (I ran so far away), Heartbreak, My life | 6 Comments
I wish my words weren’t all clotted up inside me, blocking escape.
I wish I could sleep through the night, instead of waking and thinking about the children and adults who lost their lives on Friday morning.
I wish I could write about how much Newtown has affected me, how I feel a deep grief on a level I cannot fully explain.
I wish I could stop feeling guilty.
I wish I was a better wife. Mother. Friend.
I wish the holidays inspired joy inside me, instead of stress and despair.
I wish I could run away to a place that’s warm, and I’m free from the Dark Place that seems to hold me prisoner.
I wish I could bottle up the moments where Lucky asks to snuggle with me, when he throws an arm over my neck and nestles his face into my neck, just before falling asleep.
I wish the sound of a crying baby would stop being a blow to my heart.
I wish our family had more time to spend together, just the three of us, without responsibilities or other people staking claim on us.
I wish I didn’t hate myself for all my perceived weaknesses and shortcomings.