Oh, Blog Mojo, Where Have You Gone?

January 9, 2013 at 5:10 pm | Posted in And I ran (I ran so far away), Choosing Happiness., Crazy Talk (aka: Therapy), I Write. (aka: writing projects) | 4 Comments

[Tap, tap] Is this thing on?

Man, January is a rough time to lose blogging mojo. It’s cold and dark and I’m full of complaints.

Like about the fact that Charlie got me the best birthday present ever this year – an electric blanket – which I can’t actually USE because it makes my poor husband too hot. Even though the heat is only on MY side. I use it at night to warm the sheets up just before bed.

But I find that writing more increases the chance I’ll get my mojo back.

So, uh. Updates.

Ones that aren’t complaints.

(I have them. I’m sure of it.)

Running, right now, is awesome. I’ve worked back up to 25-30 miles a week, and since I’ve lost weight (10lbs now!) my runs are easier and lighter and faster. Which is good, because it’s dang cold out so I can get them over with sooner. 🙂 But man, I feel SO good. I’m not sure I’ve felt this good about running since the summer I was training for the marathon.

And physical Good totally correlates to emotional Good, too. Mostly. Running is my zen: it smooths out my thorny parts. And good running equals zen, especially lately.

Also; having my therapist back has been AWESOME. In combination with the mindfulness and self-kindness meditation stuff, I feel like a veil has been lifted. Holy cow, have I really THIS awful to myself for this many years? What’s the POINT?

I’ve been working to understand the reasons for my anger, which always seems to be prevalent. Huge breakthrough today: I realized that I get angry at Charlie when *I* am feeling insecure. I apparently go on the offensive in order not to get hurt, or something.

Work, shockingly, is actually, uh. GOOD. I’m working on a new client, which is good, and since I am working from home and boss-lady had her son three weeks ago, I have a measure of autonomy and distance. And so the work is better (marginally, of course), the commute is GRAND, and it’s nice to finally feel like I can enjoy my work, a little. I’m sure I’m doing things All Wrong and when boss-lady engages I’ll be told that, but for now I’m enjoying it.

Lucky is equal parts completely adorable and batshit crazy. I can’t believe we’re thinking about kindergarten right now, but we’re thinking about kindergarten. The elementary school in our district has a lottery for full-day kindergarten slots, so we’re trying to think about other alternatives for him should he miss out on full day kindergarten. We’re going to apply to a Montessori school in a neighboring town that we know does standard full day kindergarten, just in case, but we’re not counting on it since they prioritize town residents.

It’s kind of ridiculous that my kid, who has been in full day daycare since he was 6 months old, might only have 3 hours of school a DAY next year. BUT. Trying not to get ahead of myself, though. We register him for the lottery in March and from what I understand, are told at the end of March if he’s got a full day slot or not. That gives us time to research other options.

Also: it’s been fantastic to have Charlie home for the past few weeks, too, for both Lucky and I. The sleep issues we were dealing with back in December have mostly gone away; I think having his Daddy gone made him more needy, and whenever he woke up early in the morning he had to come into our room and bed for comfort. I did find him in our bed this morning when I heard him up, but for the most part, he hasn’t asked to come into our bed or gotten up at some ungodly hour or needed us to walk him back to bed in the cold of the middle of the night because he’s feeling scared.

Not only that, but family dinners again. Awesome.

So really, it’s not all doom and gloom at chez Serenity. Things are starting to look up.



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  1. OK, you are the second person I’ve heard talking about standard full-day kindergarten. I’m having a bit of culture-shock. Here in Ohio it is only a half-day, and always has been that way. I am starting to hear about kindergarten testing and whatnot and thinking- whaaa? My child will be starting kindergarten???

  2. These are all very good things that are happening. Yay!

    A couple of years ago I found myself wondering why, when I yell at people, they yell back at me instead of responding with concern for the fact that I’m so upset. For some reason, it clicked at that point that I get angry when I’m hurt, and that it’s not a very effective response, because it doesn’t get people to care about my hurt feelings. Not that it’s always helped me stop doing it, but a little bit.

    And having Charlie home is great! Does that mean that *both* of you are working from home? So you get to be with him ALL DAY? (I know you’d both be busy working, but I’m always happier when K is nearby, even if I’m not talking to him)

  3. Really glad to hear the positive side of things!

    And so glad Charlie is back. That must be a huge relief for everyone.

  4. I’m glad Charlie is home and you’re kicking ass, as usual, with your running! Our family had nonstop viruses in December, so I’ve hardly been able to work out since my 6k in mid November, and do I ever feel weak. : ( The weight loss is minimal compensation.

    I hope you get a full-day slot. As a WAHM, it might be well worth it to pay extra tuition (if needed) in order to get a full workday to yourself. Three hours every morning is useful, but you’re used to more. I always feel badly when I hear that people are stuck with afternoon preschool or kindergarten. That’s rough in terms of childcare arrangements and early childhood learning.

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