About Me

Me: 30-something frustrated accountant by day. By early morning and night? Runner chick, mother, blogger, wanna-be writer. (I just need more time!)

Charlie Brown: 30-something wonder husband father guy by day AND night. Posesses uber-spreadsheet skills, monstrous task lists, and damn good cooking skills.

Lucky: our proof of magic; the son we brought home after three surgeries, three fresh cycles of IVF, and three failed FETs.

After two more years of our quest to bring home a sibling, which comprised of three fresh IVF cycles, five FETs, and two pregnancy losses (most recently at 7w in October 2012), we are on a break from family building, reconnecting as a family, and trying to screw up the courage to walk away from the rollercoaster of pain that is ART.

The three of us live in a small town north of Boston, where we work and play and run mostly fake our way through this thing called parenting after infertility.

But hey. We’re not insane. Yet.

Join us as I chronicle our journey.

My rules on comments left here:

I respect that not everyone feels the same as I do. I welcome open debate. Disagree, complain, rant, whatever.


Be kind. I follow the Golden Rule: treat people as you would like to be treated.

I will not approve a comment which I judge to be derogatory. To me, to another commenter, et cetera.

Contact me at serenitynowinfertile@gmail.com.


  1. Hi Serenity–

    I just came across your blog tonight and really enjoyed reading it, particularly the entry about your decision to put “Squishy” in childcare. It is a decision that almost all parents seem to struggle with.

    I too, live north of Boston and moved into a 4 bedroom home while TTC. Still no luck on the TTC front, but still hopeful at this point.

    Wishing you luck for the duration of your pregnancy,


  2. Serenity,

    I know you’re enjoying your little baby now, and I am really glad you’ve finally been able to have him and “Squishy” is fine and really here.

    But I think you should know that it’s possible you were exposed to DES while you were a fetus, and that is what caused your infertility problems and bicornate uterus. (DES is short for “diethylstilbestrol” and is a synthetic hormone.) Here is a link to a DES lawyer’s website that says this, and I want to make it clear that I have no connection whatsoever with him, nor am I suggesting you sue (http://www.aaronlevinelaw.com/abnormalities.php).

    I’ve read your blog for a little over a month, and can understand in some way what it must have been like going through all of that, even tho’ I’ve not had problems with infertility. The reason I’m researching DES is that I have a “cockscomb cervix” which apparently means that I, too, was exposed to DES when I was in utero–there is never any other explanation for this abnormality other than DES exposure. So I found this lawyer’s website today, which says the following:

    “A septated uterus has been associated with recurrent second trimester fetal loss. This vertical septum or division extends partially from the top of the uterus or fundus, down to the cervix, in effect creating 2 uterine compartments. The relative size of these two compartments determines when or if fetal loss will occur. A technique to cut the DES induced septum can be effective treatment. This recommendation was confirmed by Acien and Acien in 2004 (6). A more difficult anomaly associated with DES exposure called the bicornuate uterus where the uterus appears to have 2 horns is much less likely to result in a term pregnancy.”

    My oldest sister had a septated uterus which caused 3 miscarriages before she was referred to a specialist who diagnosed her problem; surgery fixed her problem. When I read that DES can cause bicornate uterus, I immediately thought of you.

    I personally am furious at this–even though my exposure was relatively benign. Many of the changes that DES causes to the reproductive tract, cause infertility, multiple miscarriage, stillbirth, and preterm birth. I have not had any of these problems.

    One of the first facts you’ll discover if you look into DES at all is that it supposedly wasn’t prescribed after 1971. However, the truth is, DES was used in prenatal vitamins for years, and many doctors believed the hype rather than the science, and some continued to prescribe DES-containing pills even after a warning (*not* a ban) was issued in 1971. My oldest sister was conceived in 1971; my other sister (who doesn’t seem to have any effects, but it is likely she likewise was exposed) was conceived in 1974; I was conceived in 1976–FIVE years after it was supposedly no longer being prescribed.

    You say in your “about me” that you are 30-something. Most DES daughters “should be” at least 36-37 (having been exposed in utero no later than 1971). I am 31 and am supposedly too young to be a “DES daughter,” but my cockscomb cervix declares otherwise.

    I don’t know what you want to do with this information–I advise you just to keep this comment and think of it sometime later, after your baby gets a bit bigger and sleeps longer. Enjoy your baby!! You’ve earned it!!!

    My personal goal is to spread the word, especially since women my age “shouldn’t be affected”–but probably are! Since doctors think we’re too young, they don’t associate DES exposure with our anomalies, but I do. I don’t want you to feel any longer like it was somehow your fault that your uterus was malformed, or that it was something you did that caused your struggle with fertility. That was most likely the DES–not your body! If you would like to read more, I have a post on my childbirth education blog titled “What you don’t know CAN hurt you.” I will probably update it a bit as I find more information.


  3. Hey there, is your real name also, Serenity? 😀

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